I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Randomize
