Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
