Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
of course. lets lasso hookers.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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