Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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