Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
