rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
