I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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