i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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