If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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