If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
