How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
