I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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