FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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