It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
