I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
