My sheets look like a crime scene.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
