Someone shit on the floor
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
