So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
