i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize