Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
