She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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