i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
