her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Then you guys just all showered together...?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
