your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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