I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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