How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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