Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
