he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I forgot how hot balto sounded
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I need to align my fucking chakras
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