so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Such a big mess for such a small penis
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
