And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
