Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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