SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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