Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
