The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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