Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
