I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
pray to the hookup gods
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
