i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
So much rum. So many feels.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
