There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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