somebody snuck up and got me drunk
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Randomize
