i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
it hurts more in the daytime
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
