just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
