i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
