Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
