You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I just cut my nipple shaving
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
