Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize