he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
he was CRYING into my vagina
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
