you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize