he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
