is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
thus making me awesome and them whores
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I got inside last night via doggy door
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Randomize
