Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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