there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
