I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
