I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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