no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
