I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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