Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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