My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Someone shattered a urinal.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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