Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
