I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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