I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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