Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
