I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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