She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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