12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
My life is pants optional.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
