You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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