you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize