Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
