sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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