You're a womanizer and a bitch.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
