I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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