i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize