i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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