last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
