dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
