Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
