I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
