I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
