jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
