Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Floor bacon is actually really good
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