You're so nebulous sometimes
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
We don't watch enough power rangers
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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