the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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