I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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