they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
