You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
