dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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