Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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