i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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