oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
True college students do jello shots in the library
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