I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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