I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
She told me I should be a condom model.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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