I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I just gift wrapped bread.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
