your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
