Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
