Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
