Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
