Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
