He told me they were just razor bumps!
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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