Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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