Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
We left an ass print on the piano.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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