I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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