i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
