Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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