At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
